Passionfruit Butter

Check me out, not being all self-loathing about the obscene lapses of time between my postings. Yeahhhhh boy.

On the first day of French classes at summer school in Nice, my teacher told us, in no uncertain terms, that the only things French people talk about are food and sex. Exhibit A:

Jenna and I found this bakery while wandering through Paris. According to my stepdad, “the guy’s just kneading.” This is a stunning exemplar of efficiency and multi-tasking.

Now I’m trying to write a 10- to 15-page paper for my food anthro class about that. But where do I even start? Better question: where do I stop? The two are so inextricably connected that it’s kind of dizzying for me to attempt to outline an academic essay. There’s so much to say about everything from gendered foods to whipped cream bikinis. That said, I’m attempting to delving into the role language plays. Where do we get phrases like food porn? Orgasmic cheesecake? Sexual appetite?

There is very little conclusive evidence for the libidinal effects of many aphrodisiacs. The New York Times decided chocolate doesn’t have a marked effect on actual desire, and it’s even dubious that oysters, the most infamous aphrodisiac at all, have real physiological effects. If you don’t believe the case that aphrodisiacs are more decided by culture and folklore, consider that bull penises are eaten in China to increase sexual desire and potency. Gentlemen: wanna give that a shot with your ladies next Valentine’s Day and report back to me?

Now imagine what a $5 footlong will do to your mind.

Fun fact: in Brazil, the Portuguese word “comer” — meaning “to eat” — has the vulgar added meaning of “to fuck.” Women are “comidas,” or “foods.” So literally, the guys devour the chicks. That brings a whole new meaning to dinner dates.

Other fun fact: the author of The Sex Life of Food is named Bunny Crumpacker. Really and truly. Not only is that horribly vicious on the part of her parents, but it’s like her career as a food (and sex) writer was handed to her as soon as they put her name on the birth certificate. This is supporting evidence for self-fulfilling prophecies, my friends.